Jessica, a year-old who lives in Mississippi, was dating a guy recently when the subject of sexual history came up. Jessica said she immediately felt nervous. She'd had sex before, but because of her religious beliefs, had since been abstaining from sex. Sometimes it feels like it's ok for guys to do whatever, but if a girl says, no I'm not a virgin , we're looked at with more shame. That internalized shame is something that a lot of young women unfortunately experience — regardless of religious background. And Jessica's right that men and women are treated differently when it comes to sexual history.

There is no one definition of virginity. Others may define virginity as never engaging in vaginal penetration with a penis, despite having had other types of sex, including oral stimulation and anal penetration. Some people may no longer call themselves a virgin after engaging in anal penetration or penetration with a finger or sex toy. Others may reconsider their virginity status after receiving or giving oral stimulation. Oh, the hymen — the stuff of legend.

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